Lately I’ve been doing a rather poor job of keeping up with my social media stuff. I’ve had emails piling up, I’ve been ignoring my Facebook notifications, neglecting to post on Instagram and Twitter, even these weekly blog posts have seemed like more trouble than they’re worth. It’s not like I’ve had a lot going on or anything; I’m still not back to my actual job. The thing is, every once in a while, I get really disillusioned with the whole social media experience. I don’t think I really know how to do it. I know a lot of people feel like it helps them to create something resembling actual human connection, but it seldom feels that way for me.
I want that. I would love to feel like I’m actually creating some sort of relationship with other people, and I seem pretty much incapable of doing that in real life, so online life appears to be the only alternative. I still just never quite manage to pull it off though. I get a few likes here and there and, every now and then, someone will comment, but that’s about it.
I know it’s me, I don’t know how to have meaningful interactions. So, rather than a tool to create connections with other humans, social media becomes just another chore for me. Instead of being this natural, intuitive experience, like I imagine it is for most people, I end up having to force myself to post things, by setting rules about what, and when, and how much. Then, eventually, I get frustrated and decide, “fuck it,” and don’t post anything for days, or weeks, before forcing myself back into it.
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that I feel this way about it; I’ve always been frustrated and confused by in-person human interaction. The thing is, I know that a lot of people who have difficulty socializing thrive in the online world. That’s why I feel like I must be missing something. So, what’s my solution? I’ve decided to start taking a social media course on Coursera. As if behaving like a human being is something that can be taught.
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