I’m considering trying something a little different, with my blog posts, in the future. I told myself, when I started this blog, that I was going to be totally honest. I was going to, at least some of the time, talk about personal stuff, and do so in a way that was open, and not toned-down, for the sake of my own comfort. I feel like I have done that, to some extent, but that, even when I’m writing about deeply personal stuff, I tend to do so in a kind of formal and detached way.
On some level, I guess I do this out of some concept of professionalism. I write stories about my own life, as if I’m writing an article for a newspaper or something. Even when I talk about my own emotions, I feel like I often do so in a weird, roundabout way, like I’m conducting some kind of psychological study on myself. I also almost never curse in my posts, even though I do so constantly in my life, and in my books.
I was thinking recently that if the characters in my books talked the way I do in these posts they would be totally unrealistic, and nobody would give a shit about them. People care about things that feel honest and real and, even when I’m being totally honest, I don’t know that I am ever being real. Part of this, I’m sure, is due to the fact that I’m not good with emotional stuff. I tend to kind of ignore my emotions until they get compressed down into little crystalized balls of rage. The other reason is that it makes me uncomfortable as fuck, and I don’t know how to talk to people about it, even if I wanted to.
I also tend to try to make my posts longer than they necessarily need to be. I feel like publishing a post that isn’t at least two or three pages long is cheating, or something. I feel like people will think that if I didn’t put in the time to write a full, in-depth, article, then why should they bother to take the time to read it. I’m fairly certain this is actually the opposite of the truth. I think the average person gets bored reading some long drawn out post. Even knowing this, I still find myself intentionally dragging things out, because I feel like I’m being lazy if I don’t.
Anyway, the point here is, I think I’m going to stop trying to be so “professional” with my posts, and just say what I mean, in the way I would say it in real life (if I were the type of person who said things to people in real life). I’m going to stop trying to make everything sound pretty, or objective, or logical, and just try to make them true. I’m also probably going to say “fuck” way too many times.
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