No Sense In It

I do a lot of things in my life that really don’t make much sense. I mean, in my mind, I can justify all of them; I can give perfectly logical answers for why I do them, offer up reasons why they do make sense. The truth is though, they just don’t, and I know it. I can offer up as many explanations as I want, but I’ll always know that they’re mostly bullshit.

One of the most glaring examples of this is the amount of effort I put into my appearance. This is especially true when it comes to fitness (though that is far from the only area). I put more effort into my body than anyone I’ve ever known in real life, and about half the people I follow online who basically make their livings taking selfies. There is no reason why I should care so much. Who the fuck am I even trying to impress?

My answer is that I do it for myself, because it makes me feel better about myself, because it gives me a challenge, something to work toward, because seeing progress gives me a confidence boost. But is that really worth the time that it takes out of my day? Time that continues to expand constantly, as I discover new things that I want to master? Even when I tell myself that it’s getting unreasonable and try to cut down, I can usually only manage to reduce my workout by a few minutes, and even that seldom lasts. Oh well, I suppose there are worse obsessions that I could have.


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