I Can Totally Do That

This post is semi-related to my last post. You see, while thinking about how much I needed to get a new tattoo, I also started thinking about other things I wanted to do. The thing is, I’m kind of over the whole idea of being a human. I used to make some minimal effort to be attractive to other people but, now that I’ve realized that I have no desire to ever date again, I don’t actually give a shit about that anymore. Now I just want to look the way I want to look.

The things I tend to find most attractive are generally things that are not remotely natural to the human body. I love tattoos (obviously). I love any kind of body modification. I love basically anything that makes a human look more like some sort of otherworldly creature. One thing that I think is really cool is a modification, that I have only seen a handful of times, where a person’s ears are reshaped, so that they are pointed at the top. They look like little elf ears, and I think it’s just the coolest thing.

Unfortunately, I’m not quite brave enough to do that. For one thing, I feel like the process would be more involved than I would like. For another thing, I like my hair short. So, if something went wrong, or if I ever just decided that I didn’t like my elf ears, I would have no way to hide them. Plus, you know, in our current society, there is still the issue of people judging you for something like that and, as much as I hate it, sometimes we do have to make ourselves deal with other people’s bullshit, in order to get through life.

So, I started thinking about what I could do to get a similar effect, without actually having my ears surgically altered. What I came up with was just piercing the part of my ear where the point would be, and putting a hoop through it, so that there would be this little added piece there, to give it a slightly pointed appearance.

Well, I had been thinking about doing this for a while, and I decided that it was something I really wanted to do. However, piercings are expensive; I think the standard is around fifty dollars per piercing. I just couldn’t justify spending a hundred dollars to poke holes in my ears.

So, what did I do? I ordered my own, professional-grade, piercing needles and did it myself. I took my fancy little hollow needle and shoved it through my ear. That part really wasn’t too bad; it went through without too much effort, and I managed to get it in the right spot. The fun part was when I tried to get the earring through. The “earrings” that I like are not, in fact, earrings at all. They’re these silver loops that are supposed to be used for making jewelry. I like them because I don’t ever have to worry about losing them, since they can’t really come loose. Anyway, they were just slightly too big to fit through the hole the needle made, plus, since I was trying to do it myself, I couldn’t get the right angle to twist them through.

The first one took me a literal hour to do. I pushed the needle through, tried to push the ring through behind it, it wouldn’t go. I tried for a few more minutes, then thought, fuck it, I’ll put the needle through again. I tried again to follow it with the ring, no luck. Finally, I spread the ring into a straight piece of wire, and shoved it through with a pair of pliers. I had to twist it back and forth for several minutes to get it through and, when it did finally go, there was a little pop. So, I know I still kind of missed. Then, I couldn’t get the damn thing shaped back into a ring. I held the wire in the pliers and twisted it, and pulled it, and pried it, for an hour, as my ear was slowly oozing blood and turning a kind of brownish red color, from yanking on it so much. I finally ended up with a hoop that was more of a flattened oval shape, and an ear that was bruised and quite sore. I think the second one only took me about half an hour, but the results were equally disappointing.

I actually do really like the look of it though, and I think, eventually, it will be what I was going for. There is one other benefit to this fiasco though. You know how on TV or in movies (the one that comes to mind for me is Supernatural) people will sometimes get injured, and stitch up their own wounds? Well, I have always thought that was really fucking cool, and thought, “I’ll bet I could do that.” I was never really sure though. Well, now I’m pretty sure I could. If I can spend an hour wrenching on my ear, while shoving a piece of wire through it with pliers, I could probably stitch up my own wound.


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